If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
