Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
