Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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