i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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