he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
