I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize