Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
