There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He did a backflip because drugs
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
