Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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