I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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