wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize