So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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