No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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