Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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