the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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