he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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