ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize