They should really pass out barf bags in church
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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