standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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