We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
