my phone needs a breathalizer
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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