I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize