The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
