My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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