He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
