hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
