Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
