This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
