I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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