I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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