but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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