I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
