I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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