(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
