just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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