She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
