so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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