i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
my liver is dry heaving
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
