If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
