Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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