I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
