Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
someone owes me an orgasm
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
