At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
