we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
