For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
