The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize