she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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