Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
