Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Randomize
