I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
