I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
