atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
