My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
