somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
