toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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