I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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