i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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