i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize