so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
