I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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