OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Randomize
