I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
