just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
