i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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