i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
