Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
