Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
