having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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