He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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