I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
