I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
