I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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