I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
