dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
