Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
