so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
