Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So vagazzling was a success
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