its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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