my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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