ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
